Duvet-day... it's not going well

I had a good start with the meds. The first 3 weeks I thought, what is everyone raving about? This is not so bad. I got this.

Well, well, well, well!

I am onto week 5 and gosh it's just getting worse. I have still not recovered from last weeks headaches and here we are.

Today has been one of the worst. I feel like I used some bad drugs or had one hell of a party the night before. I obviously had none of the above. I feel like something my cat dragged in.. half alive, half chewed up and some spat out.

Everything hurts, even my jaw and gums hurt. Never been hit in the face by a human before but sure that is how one would feel after. (Have been headbudded by a horse.. bloody sore).

Today I feel like giving up, giving in, just saying ... nope, I am done with all this meds, the pain, the everything.

Not being able to do life... it sucks. Went to a get together on Sunday. My friend launched her vet practice.. soooo proud.

One of our other friends brought stuff for the kids to play with. All boys so it was bats and balls and boys stuff. At a point she jumped in and played socker with them. I felt so jealous of her. I love her to bits but in that moment I felt cheated out of having fun with my kids. Teaching them to catch and play, run, tackle. To grab and tickle them or putting them on my back so they can pretend I am a pony.

My constant reply to my kids... ai baby that hurts mommy so bad. Don't hug too tight, don't hold my hand too tight mommys fingers hurt a lot today.

When they come into my room on duvet-day and just want to cuddle but I feel so crap that them talking or arguing sets me over the edge immediately. They just want to be with mommy, they don't deserve this. They are too young to deal with a not so well mommy.

I pray for the moment they go to bed because my ears are killing me... not because of their shouting (it does not make it easier) but because of my glands swelling because of the meds.

So today was a nightmare but I have a saying that my oldest has adopted and I am glad he did. Don't worry, tomorrow will be better.

Heres to better tomorrows, less pain, and happy times ahead.