I came out of hospital today.
Upon going in on Monday I could never have imagined the impact emotionally this trip would have on us.
I got home this evening and my kids could not believe their eyes. There was this eerie calm over all of them. Animatidly well behaved.
As the evening moved on their emotions that they bottled up started to seep out of their little bodies. They became cranky and emotional over every and any little thing. Posessive even.
It all came boiling over. They did not know mommy would be away for so long. They did not understand why she was away for so long. They had a bunch of feelings that came out in one big screaming tantrummy mess. They all needed to have me to themselves at the same time. They did not want to share me because what if I disappeared again?
After several tiring angry, sad bouts of rage and frustration over nothing I sal with each of them and told them I understood. I understand they missed me, I understand that they did not understand. I know it was not nice for them to not have me here. But I am back, I love them endlessly and will not leave them. I had to go to hospital to get better and I am now better and I am back.
Long hugs and cuddles and sad stories of dreams. It breaks my heart.
My middle one had a dream he got in a car to come find me. He went to the shop and I was not there, then he got in his motorcycle and he still could not find me.
It breaks my heart.. I wish I could turn all this back and make it better for them. But I am here now. It's over, I am home and they can sit with me all day tomorrow and just cuddle and snuggle.
Then we must not forget the toll it took on my dear hubby. It's not easy to be daddy and mommy to 3 little boys. Specially when you miss your wife and your heart is sore. When you see your kids wanting her and not understanding what's going on. He is one great father and did a great job of taking care of the little men while I was not here. But he too took strain under this heavy burden. The uncertainty of what's going on with me, the needy kids, the dinner the animals.. It's a big load to carry.
Thanks baby for being such a great guy and just doing it. I know it was difficult but you did it.
What we all thought would be a one day maybe an overnight turned into a 4 night stay. It was not exactly a jolly vacation for me either. But we got through it. It's done and we are together and love and appreciate each other deeper.
Here's to being a family, always there for each other even when you don't fully understand what they are dealing with. Compassion and love and respect.
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